In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9&11 am daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian orthodox Monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
On a menu in a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
In a Bangkok cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
In a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
In a Hong Kong dress shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
From the Soviet weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of the Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
In an East African newspaper:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In Germany's Black Forest:
It is strickly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men & women, live together in one tent unless they are married for that purpose.
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here & spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czech tourist agency:
Take one of our horse driven tours---we guarantee no miscarriages.
Ad for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride your own ass?
On a faucet in a Finnish restroom:
To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for the ladies from their own skin.
Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed like a man.
Tokyo bar:
Special cocktail for the ladies with nuts.
Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
Office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
Japanese instructions on an air conditioner:
Cooles & Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
Japanese hotel room:
Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviours in bed.
Business letter when "Götabanken" changed its name to "Gota Bank":
Dear friends, we are the same guys as before, although we have lost our pricks.
Norwegian Prime Minister after a service in Brasil:
Thank you for the mess.
Newly appointed Danish minister:
I am in the beginning of my period.
From a meeting in the European Commission:
The chairman called the meeting to order and asked if there were any matters to discuss under the table.
Sign outside a Spanish travel agency:
Go away!
Female Norwegian football player:
I tried to screw the ball in the goal.
Swedish businessman:
I am a man who likes to have my balls in the air.
Exhausted female Swedish football player:
I just want to lie down on the coach.
Norwegian TV-host to an American guest who complained about the slippery winter roads:
But didn't you have pigs in your decks?
French-Canadian politician:
I thank you for giving my wife and me the clap. I thank you from the heart of my bottom.
From a ferry in Puerto Rico:
In case of emergency, the lifeguard are under the seat.
Swedish driver in England:
Excuse me, what is the fart limit? (swedish "fart"= speed)
A Scandinavian au pair in the USA:
The father in the house: "Do you want to use the rest room before we drive cross State?" Au pair: "No, I can do it in the car."